Consultation time!

I had my first meeting with Dr. Crabtree. I had to go to one of the Siteman Cancer Centers to meet him and talk about the surgery.

I have to say, the Siteman Cancer Centers are pretty swanky. There was a massive fireplace, a keyboard for anyone to use, a computer terminal for open use and all the Nescafe one would care to drink. I don't care what anyone says - there is mucho money in medicine.

I sank into a SUPER comfy suede couch and hunkered down seeing how the waiting room was nearly filled to capacity.

The woman came out from behind the magic wall and said, "Mr. Ryan?" I will NEVER get tired of hearing my married name.

I stood up and so did an ENTIRE other family. We looked at each other and I thought we were going to have to Mad Max one another. The nurse stammered as she looked at both of us and said, "You are both named Mr. Ryan?" We both side glanced each other and said "Yes."

She then said "Mr. James Ryan?"

THAT'S ME!

So for some reason, I RAN towards the nurse high-fiving the other patients and started yelling "Big Bucks! No Whammies!" I don't know why I did that, but I felt like I got picked to be a contestant on a game show. The entire room laughed and the nurse almost lost her shit laughing so hard.

Even in a cancer center I can kill. Wait, you know what I mean.

After meeting with several assistants and answering the same questions over and over again, I finally got to meet Dr. Crabtree. As he entered the room I thought I was in trouble. Good looking to say the least, the man has a profile that belongs on Mt. Rushmore. How can I be sick in the presence of such a studly man? I mean I am married, but daaaaaaammmmnnnnn.

But then he came off as aloof. He seemed to kind of rush me on my story - I mean Talky J likes to gab - and he said something to the effect of "Well, we are committed to this biopsy so...."

So?

So?

He wasn't rude, but he made me feel like I was boring him. I left the meeting dejected. I know I may or may not have cancer, but my insurance company will be paying you thousands of dollars to cut into my body so at least appear to be into me - just a little bit.

I was told I would get a call in a few days telling me when my surgery would take place. I would have another encounter with Dr. McHottie soon.

Keep in mind - at this point in time the only people who knew what was going on with me was my husband, a select number of friends, my Supervisor/friend Becky, one other employee at my store and my owners. Only people with a need to know had access to my medical stories. I don't know why I am this way, I just am.

I just didn't want to pity looks and the "You got this" speech from everyone. I like to bear my personal crosses with a minimum of people knowing. Plus, I didn't want a bunch of hugs.

Hugs are gross.