No news is good news, but sometimes some news is bad news.

I get a phone call from my doctor while at work.

He reminded me that he took some blood samples from me when I visited him last time and he tested my blood for HIV.

He then seemed to talk for what seemed like an eternity about how HIV and Lymphoma have some things related - or at least I that was what I heard. My heart started to spin and my pulse quickened because he just told me that he tested my blood for HIV and he wasn't getting to the results.

I thought to myself, "He is just trying to soften the blow." Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to paint having HIV with the stigmas of past times, but you don't circle the drain about that issue with a gay man - just get to the point. He eventually told me that I was HIV negative and I instantly unclenched.

I mean, I have been in a relationship with my husband for 15 years and I have never used drugs intravenously or externally. So why was I worried? Is that some sort of gay guilt for surviving while I watched my fellow gays pass away from the disease? THAT my friends, is another blog for another time.

He said the pain in my back was due to a golf ball size lump of lymph nodes that grouped together for some reason. It was pushing on my other organs and THAT was why my back hurt.

Oh, and the PET scan proved that I had enlarged lymph nodes in my chest and abdomen.

So the good news - I am HIV negative, another test he did proved good results with some low blood markers, AND I have a tumor in my lung!

Yes, that's right, I have a tumor in my lung and THAT was good news. He said that it would be easier to get a tissue sample for biopsy from my lung as opposed to cut my side open to get a sample.

They could either run a tube down my throat or make an incision in my collar bone and either way I was going to get anesthesia - which as a life long insomniac, getting knocked out is better than any orgasm you can imagine - ever.

He said he was fairly certain the tissue in my lungs was indicative why my lymph nodes were enlarged. He started throwing around the word Lymphoma and I started to get the gist that my life was about to change forever.

He also told me that he spent his morning talking to two very important doctors who had agreed to help me figure out what I had and what I was going to do about it.

I had appointments set up with Dr. Crabtree who would be my surgeon and Dr. Weiss who would be my oncologist.

Wow - just like that I had two doctors. Still I was - and am still - unfazed.

I think my friend Rebecca took the news harder than I did. I told her, "I think I have Lymphoma" and she burst into tears. Like a Vulcan, I was confused by this outburst of emotion. She said she didn't want to lose me. I went over to hug her - and if you know me I NEVER hug anyone - and tried to comfort her. It was all very surreal.

Why wasn't I upset? Am I that devoid of emotion that I didn't even care that I may or may not have cancer? Shit, now I am going to have to start examining my emotions.

Poor Becky, I love how much she cares for me.

On the upside, we did create a kick ass window display at our store as we prepared for the upcoming holiday rush. So there is that.