The Big Day

So the big day arrived. I was going to have surgery AND I was going to get knocked out.

We get to the waiting room and once again time starts to stretch into eternity. We were given a buzzer like we were at Chili's and waited for my time to come.

After my buzzer went off about 45 minutes later we were off to the races. I was greeted by a lovely Pre-Surgery nurse and she was very warm and comforting. I got to dress in one of those flattering hospital gowns and and IV was started.

Dr. McDreamy came in and talked to me. I just gotta say, if I thought he was hot before, when he came in dressed in his surgery blues, I splooshed. He even made that odd round hat look hot. The man is just fucking hot.

He assured me I was going to come though this fine and then I got to talk to my anesthesiologist. He seemed like he had ants in his pants and talked with what I assume a German accent. He reassured me I was going to be fine and that his intern was going to be assisting as well.

An intern? Does that mean I will be getting a discount since I was giving some newbie their shot? Doubtful.

They then told me they hooked up my anesthesiology cocktail in my IV and I should be feeling warm fuzzies.

I did not. I started to panic. Why was I not feeling the warm fuzzies? Oh right, I am dead inside. Phew.

As they wheeled me into the OR I was still wide awake - and becoming afraid that nobody was going to realize that I was still awake and cut into me. Stuff of nightmares.

I looked at the nurse in the OR and said, "I don't feel any-" And I was out.

I woke up an hour and a half later and woke up hard. No you pervs, not erect, hard like with a jolt. I looked around and with a scratchy throat started begging for my husband.

I then saw this African-American girl who was patting her head and I said - albeit groggy - "Pat that weave girl. Pat that weave." She then said "Actually, its not a weave." I thought I blinked and she was gone.

So I pissed her off.

I then saw a woman wearing a hijab and tried to wave her over to tell her that I love all Muslim people in spite of what Donald Trump has said. I never got her to come over and then I thought, "Probably better for that." I didn't want to piss off every minority in the hospital.

After eating some ice chips, drinking some white soda and eating not one - but two Blue Bunny ice cream cups, I was ready to go home. Dr. Hot Stuff said that it looked like I just had enlarged lymph nodes, but they were going to stain the sample and do other interesting things and I should know something in a couple days.

Great - MORE WAITING.

Hubby went to go get the car to pick me up and THAT was the moment I realized I had the parking ticket in my wallet which was in my jeans. He managed to get out of the parking garage thanks to a very nice security man and picked me up and we headed home.

I had a lovely scar in the middle of my collar bone that looked like a smile. Well at least one part of me was smiling.