And so it begins....

Well, I get my port put in today.

I know that in of itself is not a big deal, but it kind of is to me.

I get my port put in and then I get my introductory round of chemotherapy.

No going back.

I had a slight anxiety attack today where I wanted to call my doctor and ask him, " Like are you for sure FOR SURE I have this kind of cancer?"

What if I just lost weight? Would that be the solution? Or what if I just learn to live with the pain? Is chemo REALLY the right path for me?

But then I came to my senses and realized I am in the best care I can be and this will all work out. I am surrounded by great friends, I have an amazing husband, and I am getting the best treatment possible.

But - for me - tomorrow is a watershed moment in my life. Everything is going to change. I am sure I am going to be exhausted and sick as a dog tomorrow night. But maybe I won't. I mean, when Samantha - in Sex and the City - had her chemo, her and her girlfriends all sat around in couture and sucked on pop sickles.  I don't remember any scenes with her throwing up or even looking sick. That's real life, right?

I guess the upside is that my pain in both sides of my lower back will be gone somewhat. But I am NOT looking forward to being sick or being off work. I am off work for the next three days.

I hope my customers don't forget me.